Gisook Nam, Lived in Mexico
I remember having some existential doubts since I was a girl such as "What is living?", or 'Why was I born in this time, in this family?".
I had an unusual experience when I was 10 years old.
It was a summer day, I was cooling my feet in the water of the stream. Suddenly my being mysteriously disappeared. This led me to feel more futility about life.
I felt stronger and stronger that this world I found myself in was not the real one. I lost interest in life and nothing was meaningful to me. While I was feeling that, I began to search everywhere for the meaning of life, especially in religious places. I attended church for a time as well as a nearby temple.
A few years later, when I was in high school, I decided to adopt a religion and ended up choosing Won Buddhism. I liked the idea of living like a Buddhist or Catholic nun, of being able to meditate with serenity.
On the other hand, I was filled with fear of a lonely and lifelong path to Truth. While living a religious life, I found a partner with whom I shared the same idea: We would stop looking for Truth within the framework of religion and we would find it in our daily lives. So we got married and had three children.
With that, I tried to believe that my doubts would be clarified. However, the more time passed, despite having my children and my husband, although I had almost everything, my doubts that had started since I was a child remained the same and I felt more and more lacking and empty.
At thirty years of age, I felt that with this lack I could become seriously ill… This is how I found meditation, whose method would help me discover the cause of my lack and the reason for being born. At least, I was able to get rid of all those doubts. It was literally "Freedom"!
22 years passed and I’m still that way. I keep this happiness more than anyone in the world.